The ‘New Irish’

I saw this comment at Irish Savant, its quite funny!

Booklet for the New Irish to be given out at citizenship ceremonies.

Welcome to Irelands 1068 citizenship ceremony, please take the time to read this booklet it will enlighten you as to the glorious contributions the New Irish have made to Ireland, this by the way is not the booklet that informs you of all the generous benefits you are entitled to, including free housing, health care, schooling and the right to bring your extended family over in short the sum total of all your needs.

Due to ongoing health and safety reasons our Minister of Justice and Defence has had to remain in Israel, however the Minister will be watching on a specially erected large screen that will be shown live in the main square of Tel Aviv, on this the Jewish festival of Yis Rammaul -the day of comtempt.
As New Irish we want you to feel right at home so there s no better way than being aware of the contribution your ethnic group made to modern Ireland.

Try these amazing facts:

In 1916 Roma Gypsies gave away copies of “the big issue” free to the Irish Volunteers inside the GPO. This meant the rebels had a lot of reading material and puzzles to do during lulls in the fighting.

A lot of Blacks fought in the GPO including Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King and Puff Daddy.

Just before he wrote the National Anthem, Tupac Shakur appeared to Padraig “La Cadillac” Pearse in a dream and rapped the whole Anthem the result was “Gibbs me dem 32 county hoes”, while the British were willing to give freedom to all the Irish slaves they threatened to cut our EBT cards if the Anthem went ahead. Amhran na bhFiann was accepted reluctantly.

The war of independence aka The Cracker War, was very similar to the war between East and West coast rappers.

Michael Collins was a convert to Islam whose real name was Mohammad Al-Magrebi , following his time in Londonistan, the British had him assassinated (martyred) because he was attempting to introduce 32 county Sharia law.

Michael Collins was killed in Beal na Blath in Cork this translates as the “handkerchief of the Prophet” in Arabic. He was also killed on the sixth day of Ras el Rasa –“the time of the Prophets sitting down”, luck, coincidence or something else..You decide!

The Troubles in Northern Ireland were started by a racist tweet, when Gerry Adams said Biggie Smalls was too fat to play Bobby Sands in a rap video.

If you are angry that the contribution your particular ethnic group made to modern Ireland is not mentioned we are deeply, deeply, truly, abjectly, profoundly sorry to have hurt your feelings, please inform us of what you think happened and when and we will give you the name of a solicitor with whom you can take a case against the State (at no cost to you of course).

After the ceremony why not take the time to visit the new museum of “The new New Irish Museum” established by Minister of Defence AND Justice Mr Alan Shatter at tax payers’ expense, its located on O Connell Street right beside the Holocaust Museum.

And finally as “we welcome you home” in the words of our Taoiseach Enda Kenny , remember “We do not give away citizenship lightly”

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